This is another English assignment I decided to put online. The prompt called for an opening scene in which you develop character and whatnot. I may have taken some creative liberties when describing my home county, but the detective is a city-slicker from Seattle, so I'm actually patronizing everyone equally.
Walter Jeff hadn’t seen so much
green in one place since he busted that eco-friendly drug cartel. The
skyscrapers he was so familiar with were replaced with stories-tall evergreens.
City blocks became square miles of jagged treetops, the green blanket covering Skamania
County broken up only by forest service access roads. As Walter turned onto the
first of many gravel roads he’d encounter, he had to think sweet thoughts of
retirement to keep himself calm. His Prius was built for civilized roads, not
these shaky gravel atrocities.
It
wasn’t until he arrived at the scene of the crime, a recent murder at a remote
hunting camp, that he was truly struck with disdain for the slack-jawed inhabitants
of this pathetic county. As he stepped out of his car, the native greeting of
“howdy!” pierced his eardrums and the slow crawl of cringe worked its way up
his spine until his shoulders were near his ears.
“You
must be the Sheriff of this… place,” said Walter, buttoning his wool suit. He
placed a toothpick in the corner of his mouth, a habit he picked up once
smoking was outlawed damn near everywhere in the city.
“Sure
am, mister. You must be that hotshot detective they sent down from Seattle,”
replied the uniformed man through a three-toothed grin. Walter thought the
vapid homunculus speaking to him looked a bit like an excited dog. He wondered
if he still had a tennis ball in his car to keep the locals busy while he
worked.
“The body’s over
here,” said the Sheriff, walking towards a small clearing in the brush. “Local drunk
hermit called it in. ‘Delirium Dave,’ they call him. Thought it was his wife at
first, but we reminded him he’s never been married. Easy mistake to make,
though. Kind of looks like my old lady, too, if I’m being square with you.”
As
Walter approached, the familiar stench of decomposition filled his nostrils. The
sight of the body before him nearly kicked his feet out from under him and he
grabbed the nearest deputy for balance. Sprawled out on the ground and covered
in dried blood was the hairiest body Walter had ever seen. Perhaps even more
remarkable was the size, which he estimated to be about eight feet tall.
“Gentlemen,
I don’t think that’s anybody’s wife. I think it’s a giant ape.”
His
retirement might have to wait a little longer than he thought.
